Dry Humped

Oral Surgery? No problem. But Hello dry socket. Dry socket is the condition you get when a blood clot either doesn't form or gets dislodged post surgery. Apparently, it's more common in women than men and more common for wisdom teeth or lower teeth than upper. Once again, I'm in the top 10, only not so good this time. Scored me some dry socket. Now basically, this means where they took the tooth out, the bone is still exposed, as are the nerves in the area, meaning it hurts like a mofo. Some sources say it'll heal in a week or so, others say it won't. Hell, the dental tech said it would, but the dentist himself freaked out. *shrug* So, here's the solution.

They take a set of medicated packing, soaked in oil of cloves, and cram it into the socket where the exposed bone is, looping shit around long words that Wendy would know, but I didn't pay attention to. No problem, right? Hell, the middle aged lady doing it said, "Now, there'll be some discomfort here, but I've done a lot of these, so if experience lessens the pain, hahahaha."

Then she grabs the packing in the forceps and heads into my mouth. Fucking forceps sprouted lasers though. Laser beams sliced through my skull, shaving off sections of my brain like some high priced chef grabbing slices to decorate some dish that's nothing more than a cracker and cheese. Damn that hurt.

Then the place went horror movie. Blood splashes onto the lady's face and ceiling. My eyeball pops outta my head (nother dry socket for ya) and rolls across the floor. Someone screams. Camera cuts to the exterior of the building as patients and dentists flee in abject terror. This crazy lady rushes into the parking lot, chain saw mounted laser in tow, lunging at cars as the population of Minnesota runs for it's life. She goes limping off after a mini van full of soccer moms, Igor style, calling for Igor's dog Shcrapth (thanks be to Terry Pratchett) to finish off the ones inside.

Then it was over. Prolly lasted like 10 minutes, but the lady didn't shut up the whole time, interjecting an occasional Minnesotan "Ohp, sorry hun," in between mad ramblings. "You're not light headed are you?" She kept telling me the numbing medication would kick in in 5-10 minutes. They need to give me more. It's not working.

Then, the best line all day. "Stop by and set an appointment for tomorrow to have this dressing changed, ok."

Oh sweet mother of God. I get to do this again? What kharmic payback is this stemming from? I must have ran over a baby I don't remember or something. Maybe I died and this is hell. An eternity of little ladies babbling to me while they incur severe dental pain upon my person. Look at me kids. Read your Bibles. This could be you!

Oh yeah, and "Promise me you won't eat anything gooey or pointy, now." Well damn. Since my diet mostly consists of GLUE and SWORDS, I'm fucked.

Can't wait for tomorrow.